She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
