I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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