Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
its liver damage thursday
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
