So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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