make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize