You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize