Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
