We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
