from now on my penis is your penis
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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