Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
