I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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