tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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