He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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