Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
