so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
