i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
