I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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