Sponge bath it is.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
