i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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