By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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