Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
