I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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