Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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