i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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