That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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