Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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