Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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