I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
