It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
