ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
