Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
