Slut skills are useful in every country.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
