sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
