I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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