my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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