So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
