"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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