it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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