she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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