youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
