can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
