his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
