And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize