Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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