I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize