he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
