All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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