every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
