i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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