Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize