me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
