You're my little dorito
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize