so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
