every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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