First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
