Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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