Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
