And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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