i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
