He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
