when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
