Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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