Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
