porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
