If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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