My cat gives me a boner
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Please don't give away my fajitas
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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