Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
