Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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