There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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