I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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