good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
