dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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