How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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