his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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