i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can text with my tongue
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
