I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm like, not good at living.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize