there's paper in my vomit.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
