what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just invented taco cereal.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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